


Void

by summerxblessings



Category: Infinite (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dark, F/M, Fantasy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Not for the light-hearted, Romance, Shinigami, Short Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerxblessings/pseuds/summerxblessings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>{AU} He only remembered the tranquil silence that followed, signalling the end and the beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 04

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted on Wattpad [here](https://www.wattpad.com/story/79430516-void).
> 
> If you like, please leave a comment or kudo! ^^
> 
>  
> 
> Myungsoo = Void

 

Beauty can and could only be determined by the eyes of the beholder.

At least that was what the humans pathetically said to one another in fake assurance so no one's feelings would be hurt when something was called ugly. He had always found humans to be such stupid beings. If they were going to invent such a false way of fooling themselves into believing it to be true, then what was the point of inventing the word 'ugly' anyway?

Beauty, in his eyes, was something undefinable. Something untouchable. He could say he could describe it perfectly in one word.

One simple word.

He believed that the definition he had made for beauty made perfect sense because it was the only thing in the whole world that was able to make him feel _something._

The one word in particular was so beautiful that it made him breathless just thinking about _it_. _It_ did many things to him; the one word entranced him to no ends and his toes would just curl in delight just thinking of _it_. _It_ made him think that all of his monotonous days waiting for the next soul to reap worthwhile when he hovered in between the Underworld and Earth, doing nothing and just existed without a purpose. _It_ made him happy.

_Misery._

The one word brought some sort of fuzzy feeling to his chest and just the thought of it made his lips curl up to the hint of the slightest of smiles.

He knew that he was a twisted and sick individual. He knew it was not normal to think that misery of all things was the definition of beauty. But it did not stop him from believing so. He had a reason for why he thought that, however.

He did not remember much about his life before his existence as an angel of death, but little fragments of what he used to have would come back to him from time to time over the past few years. The little fragments came to him in rapid flashbacks without a warning and it made him wonder if they were just delusions that he had. A little piece of him knew, however, that it was the reality that he had lived.

The memories he regained were not enough for him to be curious of the life he led before his existence as an angel of death and search for the missing puzzle pieces that could help him recall everything. After all, the only way he would remember everything about his past life is if he were to search for the pieces that made it whole. If he searched enough, he would eventually be able to put all of the pieces together and thus, remember everything. But the fragments of memories that came back were enough for him to believe that there was nothing much that he was missing out on for not knowing of his origins.

He had lived in misery before he ultimately died.

All of the memories of him before his death were of him either screaming in anguish, suffocating in silence, or muffling his cries into the worn out pillow he owned in what seemed to be a shabby place. He was poor and he had so many worries then that it made him miserable.

Perhaps that was why he found pleasure in others' misery now. It served as some sort of twisted assurance and guilty pleasure that he was not the only one who suffered while living. It satisfied him to no ends.

He looked down to the busy street underneath him, watching as the people busily moved about on the street, desperate to get to wherever they needed to be. He could hear them all clearly; every little worry and agitation that was running through their minds but did not voice out. He could hear how some desperately wanted to just end their suffering; 'take the easy way out' as some humans worded it, but it was not their time yet. At least, not that he knew of.

He has come here again, to the top of this apartment, even though he's been constantly telling himself that it was not good to come here repeatedly. It made him human, something he disliked, for being so sentimental. If he kept on returning here, he was sure that it may lead him back to the unwanted past, something that he did not want to know about.

He frequented every week because he felt something weird about this place. It was not a feeling of loss or anything of the like. It was definitely not longing for what he used to have, whatever he may have had before his death.

Perhaps this feeling was attachment, because he was sure that it was this building where he threw himself off of and ended his life. At least, his memories seemed to have told him so. He remembered free falling, feeling so light-headed and exhilarated from the wind that kissed his face on the descent down. There was the sidewalk at the bottom that was waiting for him, beckoning him to enter its stony embrace.

Then there was also _that._

He looked at the black second generation iPod nano that he held in his hand. Connected to it were a pair of beaten up white earphones; the standard ones that usually came with Apple products. He did not understand why he still had this thing or why he could even possess something like this. Angels of death wore a standardized uniform that was all black and leather and they did not have personal belongings.

So why was it that he had this device?

He was not sure. He had tried throwing it away multiple times but it kept on appearing again in his leather jacket pocket. He had turned it on before and discovered that there was only one song on the device. It was also one of the triggers that caused him to remember a little bit of his past.

The flashback that had resurfaced when he had made the mistake of listening to the song about three years ago was of a woman. He was with her and they were sitting together somewhere, laughing happily. They looked like they were in love.

If he had to be honest, the thought of being happy made him scared. It suggested that he may have lost something when he had left his past behind. He believed regrets did no one any good because it created dissatisfaction and a want to set everything straight. But he no longer had the ability to do so, so learning of his past would not benefit him.

_No, I did not die with regrets. I am just being delusional._

Without giving the device anymore thoughts, he wordlessly tossed the iPod nano down the building ledge.

He turned away from the edge of the building, his back facing the ledge. His wings spread from behind him and he shot upwards into the sky, leaving behind a few stray feathers that had been waiting to fall for a while now. He was going to roam for a little while before returning to the Underworld. Lucifer had summoned him back at sundown.

As he soared above the city, the tight feeling in his chest that he never knew was there left. Maybe a little piece of him wanted to know a bit more about his life before his death. But he was sure of one thing; it was one of the first things he recalled during his second year as an angel of death. It made him almost a hundred percent sure that something must have happened between him and the woman in his flashback that made their relationship turn sour.

There were no regrets that ran through his mind during his descent towards the ground before he had died; no one he left behind that he felt sorry for.

He only remembered the tranquil silence that followed, signalling the end and the beginning.

~~♠~~

He was back in the Underworld just a bit before sundown, waiting outside the huge doors of the throne room. There was another angel of death meeting with Lucifer; he could tell because there was the taste of death lingering in the air that only angels of death had.

He waited for quite some time, because he normally was not an impatient person. But he began to idly draw circles with his feet to waive off the boredom. Finally, the huge throne room door creaked open, making him raise his head slightly to see an angel of death storm off in anger.

He raised his eyebrow slightly, but knew better than to ask Lucifer about it as he stepped into the throne room, the doors groaning shut behind him. He walked towards Lucifer calmly, making sure that he was as fast and nimble as possible.

Lucifer was there, looking bored as He sat on His throne.

"You have summoned Void, my Lord?" he bowed before Lucifer, a light smirk on his face.

He stood upright, his heart pounding in his chest in anticipation. He knew what was going to come next. It was the only reason why he would ever be summoned by Lucifer for the past few years. He was going to be sent out again to reap another soul. He was sure of it.

He was always summoned four days before the death to torment the human, push the human towards the edge by thinking they were really going crazy. It was to ensure that the Underworld was going to have another soul to serve it. There were constantly beings that had served their sentence in the Underworld and their souls were free to be reincarnated into another shell. Their departure left certain positions in the Underworld open to be taken over by the new ones. But during certain months, there were not enough new ones to fill in the places of those who departed for their next life.

He licked his soft lips, already fighting the grin that was making its way onto his face.

"Yes, I have," Lucifer lazily replied. Seeing his smirk, Lucifer returned it with a smirk of His own in some sort of understanding. "You look quite excited, Void."

Void.

His name.

It was perfect for him; a stroke of genius.

It described his lack of emotions quite well and his inability to feel anything for anyone else. That was, of course, for the most part. There were times when he got emotional when dealing with the people he had to reap the souls from, but even then, the emotions he felt passed as quickly as they came. Void was pretty much a blank piece of paper with just little crinkles on the edges; he pretty much felt neutral about everything except for misery. He could not even bring himself to even think that he even felt an ounce of respect for Lucifer, who sat on His throne of the Underworld. Lucifer seemed to know that Void held no respect for Him, but did not further pursue the matter. Void was sure that it was because He knew that Void would be loyal to Him anyway.

Who else was there to be loyal to in the Underworld?

No one else had any sort of power.

Lucifer had no second-in-command, no one that He had ever entertained more than the others. He seemed to be what humans would call likable. Lucifer was not a demanding individual and did not force those under Him to work for Him. They chose to because of the raw power He held even when speaking; it was as if He were challenging them to rebel.

But even then, Void could not even find it in himself to even feel just a bit of like towards the greater being, even though it was because of Lucifer's commissions that he was able to taste misery as he reaped the souls he had to collect. He just did not quite feel anything these days.

His role as an angel of death was rare and the position just happened to be open when Void arrived at the Underworld. There were only a few hundred angels of death and more than two hundred thousand beings that worked under Lucifer.

The angel of death that Void took the place of had been foolish. Or so he has heard.

He fell in love with the human he was supposed to reap the soul from to carry back to the Underworld. He had betrayed Lucifer, and thus, his very existence had been wiped out by Lucifer Himself, who went through the trouble of leaving His throne room (which does not happen at all since Lucifer was a rather lazy individual) to find him and end him. The angel of death's soul had been banished to the darkest void space in time and space, where he would be tormented for the rest of eternity. Or at least that was what Void had heard.

He did not feel pity for the idiot. It was justified, in Void's eyes.

The angel of death had been foolish and it was only right for him to be punished.

Why risk your existence to save someone who would have a chance to exist after death? He was depriving the person from enjoying a brief existence of no worries for a brief amount of time until their sentence in the Underworld has been served.

Plus, it was impossible to fall in love in four days.

That would be called physical attraction; something as stupid as Romeo and Juliet. He did not believe the brash and immature actions of either individuals in the classic, romantic story was love. It was stupidity and just a teenage fling gone wrong.

"Void is rather excited as usual," Void said, addressing himself in third person, his name rolled off his tongue like melted chocolate. He may not have respected Lucifer but he did not want Lucifer to misunderstand and think that Void thought he was better than Him. Addressing himself in third person was a smart move; it showed that he did not dare compare himself to Lucifer.

He did not want Lucifer's position. He was content with how his existence was being wasted as an angel of death. He would not have wanted to be an angel of punishment; those who collected the souls of those that sinned and did not repay them during their lifetime.

Void only reaped those that sinned at the end of their lives.

Each of the people he reaped the soul from had different reasons. They went through different pains, had different extents as to what they could deal with. Some had less on their plates than others; some felt more miserable than others. That meant that the aura of their souls were different when he reaped them and took them back to the Underworld with him to Lucifer.

The different tastes exhilarated him.

It fascinated him.

"She is someone from your past," Lucifer said, a cryptic smile on His face. He was trying to pick a reaction from Void and it was failing. Void's features were smooth and undisturbed, just like polished marble.

"Is that so?" Void heard himself asking. He then dryly remarked, "Void does not care."

He did not understand why Lucifer wanted to tell him something like this.

"She was your love interest," Lucifer continued, as if He had not heard him, "I'm sure you do care. I have not known any other angel of death not interested in the people they have held dearly in their life before arriving here."

But Void truly did not care.

"If you believe so, my Lord," he said, deciding to just leave it at that.

"Yes, I do," Lucifer mused. "But this will not interfere with your duty, yes? She is known as... let me think... ah, yes. Yoon Jae-in. Does it ring a bell?"

It was a test.

Perhaps Lucifer did not like him as much as He seemed to. Lucifer wanted a reason to rid of him; why else would Lucifer tell Void that she was someone from his past.

"Of course not," Void bowed a little, beginning to make his way towards the doorway that led to the main hall. He was being dismissed; Lucifer already seemed to be drifting away into His own world of whatever it may be.

"Good," an unreadable smile appeared on His face.

"Oh," Lucifer called out as Void made his way out of the throne room. Void stopped in his tracks, turning to look at Lucifer.

"To make things interesting, when you appear before her... introduce yourself as _Kim Myungsoo."_

With the snap of His fingers, Void found himself trying to balance himself on two feet in a vortex of spinning red and orange.

Just standing in the vortex of Time and Space made him nauseous even though this was happening for the umpteenth time. This always happened when Lucifer decided to be 'nice' and teleport him to the location he needed to be at for the next person's soul he is to reap.

As abruptly as the nauseous feeling and the spinning vortex had come, both left.

He found himself before a woman in her mid-twenties while she was fixing herself something for a late-night dinner. She did not notice him until she sat down at her table, where he sat across from her.

Her dinner did not look appetizing, but then again, given how shabby her apartment looked, he was not even the slightest bit surprised. She was dressed in a very exposed manner; her clothing's material did not seem to match her environment, he could not help but notice. Her clothes seemed to be branded.

Her metal chopsticks fell onto the small, wooden table with a _clack!_ and her eyes widened. Her mouth was agape; she was unable to form coherent sentences.

"My name is Kim Myungsoo," he introduced himself, the name making him feel weird. He did not like this feeling; not at all. He was not nervous. He pinpointed the emotion he felt; it was fear. He did not feel much if at all anymore but he could still recognize it.

He did not want to know anything about his past. Did not want to be associated with it anymore. It was like a black vortex waiting to swallow him whole. There was so much mystery and pain in it that he would rather not know at all.

"I know," she whispered, emotions overflowing. Her eyes were filled with tears that had not escaped yet.

He scoffed, shrugging away the fear that he felt. He just needed to reap her soul. He did not need to learn of anything during his stay for the next few days with her.

But that did not make him immune to what she felt. There were emotions bursting in her chest. He could sense them. So she really did know him from before. A lot of jumbled thoughts were running through her head, something among the lines of not believing that he was here before her.

Did it matter to him that the woman he had probably known before his death was looking at him with such loving eyes that made him think maybe his life wasn't as miserable as he thought it was? That maybe she loved him but he left her anyway for whatever selfish reasons he had?

No, it did not.

Kim Myungsoo was just an alias.

He was Void.

"Why are you here?" she asked, then an amused smile made its way onto her lips. She knew but she asked anyway, "Am I going to die?"

So she caught on fast. He leaned backwards in the creaky chair he sat in, feeling neutral. It was good that she was not panicking like all of the others he had reaped before.

He did not sugarcoat his words; he never did.

_"Yea."_

The nearby church's bells began to ring, each ring loud and clear, resonating throughout the building.

Twelve at midnight.

Day four was over.

She had three more days to live if all went as planned.

_It will go as planned._


	2. Day 03

 

She did not seem the slightest bit shocked nor did her eyes water to indicate that she was feeling at loss; most people would start cursing at him and throwing things at him in mad rage. She was calm. It was almost as if she were expecting him to show up. Void... no, he was Myungsoo for the time being, preferred it to be that way. It made things less complicated.

"How do I die?" she asked, an unreadable expression on her face. "When?"

"You have four days. They all do," Myungsoo replied as if it were common sense. "As for how..." a grotesque smirk appeared on his face, "I guess it all depends on you."

 _"It depends on me,"_ the girl echoed, an unreadable expression on her face. "What do you mean by that?"

He chose not to be direct this time. He knew that she knew and did not want to admit it for whatever reasons.

"I am sure you know," he offhandedly remarked.

There was silence.

He took that as her silent agreement.

"Your name is Jae-in," he finally said, breaking the silence. It made him just a slightest bit uncomfortable; he had no clue why. "Or at least that's what I've been told."

There was another bout of silence, which allowed for both parties to listen to the soft, lulling lullaby of their breaths in sync.

"You do not remember me," she murmured, not denying or affirming his previous statement. He had never been one that liked it when others ignored him. It made him just the slightest bit irritated that she had ignored him, but he decided to just leave it at that. Some things were best left alone. He liked everything plain and simple. If she did not want to affirm that her name was Jae-in, so be it.

"No, I do not remember you, Yoon Jae-in. I do not remember anything before my death," Myungsoo said, watching as a bitter smile spread across her face. He continued, "So do not believe that I will have mercy on you when the time comes and I bring you to whatever fate awaits you."

He smirked inwardly. She had a one-way ticket to the Underworld.

She wanted to speak but he cut her off again.

"Do not even try to think I care about you. I am only here to torment you during your days before your death," he felt like he needed to add that in. It was apparent that he had a past with her and he wanted to make it clear that he did not want to be associated with whatever they shared before in the past.

"I see," she quietly said. Her emotions were in check and not the slightest tremble was heard in her voice. Unlike the others, she was not afraid of death, it seemed.

There was nothing but the sound of the clock, a constant reminder that her time was slowly running out with each _tick_.

"Then would it be fine for you to pretend?" there was a tick of desperation in her voice, something that seemed so animalistic that it made him almost want to wince.

"Pretend what?" Myungsoo cocked his head to the side. He felt a burst of pain fill the heart of the woman before him.

"Even the mannerism is the same as before," Jae-in murmured to herself and he caught it. She was being filled with misery and it made him happy, as morbid as it sounded. Then realizing that she did not reply to Myungsoo, she said, "Pretend that you care and that you love me. It will make me happy before I..." she choked out a little, "die."

So she was not as fearless as she had seemed.

Then, seeing the blank expression on his face, she decided to tempt him. She was convinced that he wanted to know about his past and rediscover what they once shared, whatever it was. It was just her fantasies, perhaps she has read too many fairy tales though, Myungsoo mused. He did not want to have anything to do with his past anymore. Never did. She coaxed him like an owner would coax her pet dog with a bone, "Just like how you used to."

A twisted grin made its way onto his face. It seems the foolish woman just didn't understand that the being before her was not Myungsoo.

It was Void.

"What makes you think that I would agree?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest. He was not going to agree.

"Why would you not?"

He was taken aback a bit, but he didn't quite show it. Her answer was unexpected. Who was she to challenge him? He was the one that was going to be reaping her soul.

"It would not benefit me," he stated, "I do not do anyone favors. And I surely don't care so why should I pretend to? I am not someone that lies."

She was crazy in his eyes. But he guessed that he was crazier for even explaining himself to her. He never explained himself to another, other than Lucifer. Perhaps he felt just a tiny bit sorry for her who believed that he was the person she thought he was. Even though it was apparent in his body language and his tone that he would not budge from his decision, she persisted, not wanting to take no as an answer. If she were to die, she would like to die in happiness with the shadow of what used to be the love of her life by her side. Or at the very least, someone that pretended to care because no one cared.

She wanted to regain just a little piece of happiness before she left the world.

"But you will lose nothing," she argued, a desperate look appearing on her face. "Please..." she trailed off, lacing her fingers together on her lap. Her dinner was long forgotten and cold; she was no longer hungry. She was feeling sick. The reality was beginning to sink in. It was Myungsoo but not really Myungsoo before her. If she were to die she wanted to remember the best moments of her life and they were all related to Myungsoo.

"I lose nothing but I do not want to help you; I gain nothing and that is the reason why I will not help you," he stated. "It is simple. Black and white."

She seemed to have accept his answer because a rueful smile made its way onto Jae-in's face, "You are just like Myungsoo."

"I am Myungsoo," he retorted casually. Well, at least he used to be. He was Void now.

"No, the one I knew," she said. Then a bright expression appeared on her face, making Myungsoo want to curse inwardly. She was persistent. She had an idea, something she wanted to use and tempt him to do what she wants. "What if I told you about your past? Would you help me then?"

It was sad, just how desperate she was for him to pretend to care. Perhaps she was that lonely.

"I do not care about my past," he flatly said. "I am content with my existence as it is now."

"But surely, you have questions," Jae-in tried temping him. She was making his head hurt from her stupidity now. "Like how are your parents doing, perhaps. Or what happened to your pet dog, Dubu."

"I do not," Myungsoo denied.

It was the truth.

He never lied. Or so he believed.

"But since you're so adamant... I used to have questions," he admitted. He hoped that she would leave him alone about this pretend thing after he was done telling her his little anecdote.

Her eyes shone with hope that he was going to extinguish not too long from now; her eyes became brighter and it made his head hurt. He hated it when people tried to make themselves feel better by hoping. But then again, it just made them more miserable after they learned of the truth, which was better for him. Misery of others was always what made him happy.

"See?" she excitedly said. He cut her off before she could even think about continuing and draw her own conclusions from what he has told her.

"Some fragments of my memories come back once in a while."

She nodded, taking in a deep breath, as if she were waiting for a miracle to happen. Or maybe some good news. He had nothing good to share, nothing to make her day brighter.

"What do you remember?" she asked, seemingly breathless.

"Just pain and suffering," he replied, watching as her face fell in disappointment, her eyes watering. It was pretty obvious that she was expecting something else. "I remember not wanting to live anymore."

But even then, she did not give up. He didn't understand why she wanted to hurt herself more than she was already hurting, but it was not his business nor did he care. She continued to pry.

Her eyes still had that little glimmer of hope, just waiting to be crushed.

"Surely, you have remembered more than that."

There was a dull silence.

"Yes," Myungsoo replied, breaking the silence. "I do remember something else."

"What is it, then?" the foolish girl asked, a hopeful grin breaking out on her face. It was forced, but still there all the same. There was still the glimmer of hope, seeming to become more evident. She still foolishly believed. Why did humans do something so foolish to themselves?

"There were no regrets going through my mind when I died."

He grinned as he felt her heart clench in misery, her broken grin slipping off her face faster in less than a millisecond.

"But you know what?" he leaned in towards her across the table. "You know what makes me feel even more at peace?"

"What?" she managed to croak out.

"I did not even feel sorry towards anyone."

That did it for her; she let out a choked sob, standing up from her spot at the table. He watched as she ran to the front door, grabbing at the jacket that hung on a hook. She slipped on her shoes in a rushed manner, stumbling out of the door.

She did not throw another look back towards him.

The door locked behind her. Then, there was silence to accompany him.

He scoffed as he turned away from the closed door, ready to transport himself elsewhere when a photo hanging in the hallway caught his eye. It was medium-sized, about sixteen by thirty-two inches and framed in a dirty-gold frame. The glassy covering made the picture look almost unreal and it almost took his breath away, like how misery in others often did. He did not realize that the picture was there until just now because he was a bit preoccupied with Jae-in earlier.

It was a picture of his past self with her.

He was embracing her from behind and they were smiling happily at the camera, like they had no worries in the world. It seemed like he had thought once upon a time that he could conquer all of the worries in the world with just having her by his side. He was sure that his past self did not lie and such expressions could not be forced.

_But what changed?_

_No,_ Myungsoo thought to himself, to prevent himself from even beginning to wonder about the possibilities. It was best to pretend that he did not know.

He did not want to grow attached.

But that did not stop him from noticing from the corner of his eyes as he turned away that there was something peculiar about the picture. He shook his head. It was impossible.

The black iPod nano that he had thrown off the top of the apartment building earlier returned back to its place in his pocket. He did not know how it managed to return back to him, but all he knew was that it was creating a heavy and dull feeling in his leather jacket pocket.

~~♠~~

She arrived back home midday, looking exhausted. Her eyelids were swollen pink and her deathly pale skin did not help with the dark circles that she had.

"You look quite tired," Myungsoo mused as she stepped into the apartment. He was standing by the kitchen doorway. "Oh and by the way, welcome home!" he mocked her.

She threw him a tired glance.

"Why are you here?" she asked, taking off the sneakers she wore with effort. She threw them lazily away as she started towards her room that was right beside the kitchen in the small apartment.

He lazily walked in front of her room door, blocking her entry.

He smirked, leaning in towards her, whispering, "I am hurt. You have forgotten already, huh?"

He did not wait for a reply, "I am here to collect your soul after your death. That is all I am here for."

She stared at him for a really long time.

Myungsoo would not ever admit it, but it made him slightly uncomfortable. It felt familiar and he did not like that.

She slowly walked towards him, each one of her footsteps sounding louder than the last. Alas, she reached him. Carefully, like he was porcelain, her fingers brushed gently against the side of his left cheek. Her gaze was full of longing and it made him uncomfortable.

He stepped away slightly and looked away.

The spell was broken.

"Can you really not pretend?" she managed to whimper out, her eyes searching his face for some sort of indication that he was not as merciless and uncaring as he appeared.

"I cannot."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

There was a sigh of disappointment and acceptance. Then, "I want to sleep a bit before my shift. Can you move out of my way?"

"'May you', you mean?" he said, a familiar know-it-all tone could be heard.

It tugged on her heartstrings, making her hurt.

Jae-in just shoved him and he moved out of the way, deciding that she was no longer fun. She slammed the door shut behind her, locking it. He scoffed; it would do nothing, if she were thinking that locking the door behind her would ensure that he could not walk in and agitate her any further. He could walk through opaque matter.

He was going to walk away, perhaps go to _the_ apartment rooftop until he felt like coming back. Or maybe fly around the city and get rid of the black device that kept on returning to him. Maybe he would fly around after that and return after sundown. Then he heard a whimper, which stopped him in his tracks. He decided that he wanted to stay, but he did not know why. Perhaps his heart—if he still had one—had its own mind that told him to stay because she, after all, was someone he had left behind and it must have hurt her in one way or another.

He stood outside of her room door, hearing the silent screams that filled the apartment and the quiet _plop! plop! plop!_ of her tears as they hit the wooden floorboard.

This time, it did not make him happy that she was in misery, contrary to what he usually felt when he knew the person he was going to bring to the Underworld with him was in misery. It did not make him feel an immense feeling of sadness nor pity for her.

Instead, it seemed as though time had stood still and he was completely numb.

~~♠~~

She did not speak a word later on in the afternoon when she finally came out of her bedroom.

She was dressed all fancily and it appeared that she had even applied makeup on herself to make herself look more decent. She did not appear to be surprised that he was still in the apartment.

"Where are you going?" he had asked as she went to the doorway and slipped on her high heels. He was not sure what was going on. Did she have a date?

She did not reply and without even throwing him a look, she left the apartment.

It was quiet and boring for the next few hours for Myungsoo. He just stayed put on the kitchen chair, arms crossed.

The sun set and when the moon finally seemed to make its journey halfway across the sky, she returned.

Myungsoo was waiting for her; he never felt tired and never needed to sleep anyway so it did not matter much to him that he had been staring at the door to the apartment for nearly hours. He had nothing better to do. Or that was what he told himself. He was curious.

She slipped off her heels, lining them up on the torn rug that was in front of the door.

He could smell cologne on her. It was not just one, but more than two. The scents were different, creating a putrid smell that was unbearable. He was tempted to ask her about the smell as if he were curious but he now knew why she had left earlier. She had went off to her job. Maybe he could taunt her too, but he decided not to. He would use it to his advantage some other day, perhaps.

The bags under her eyes were more prominent than ever as she stepped into the hallway.

She caught sight of him there and seemed to visibly shrink.

"You... can you just leave and come back when I am about to die?" she asked, sighing. She was broken more than she had seemed yesterday. She was damaged goods; he knew when he saw her. But now it seemed as though she was broken beyond repair. It seemed as though she has come to accept the reality. Her death was approaching and there was no one that seemed to care about her genuinely, even him, whom she had an intimate past with.

"I cannot," he truthfully said. Technically, he did not have to stay by her side. He technically just needed to be there with her the moment she died, but he wanted to remain by her side. He could not leave her because he did not want to leave her. And he didn't know why.

She left it at that, not wanting to pursue the matter anymore.

Without a word, she retreated into her room, closing the door gently behind her. That was a first since she usually slammed them behind her.

Myungsoo stood outside of the room door, listening to the small rustling in her room. It then turned into the sound of water. It stopped. Another set of rustling. The creaking of the bed as she perhaps laid in it. Then the sound of relaxed breathing. That left him with some sort of satisfied feeling that he did not understand.

He turned, pondering about his weird behavior. Perhaps sitting on the rooftop of the apartment building would help him out.

"Myungsoo."

A voice called out for him, preventing from leaving. It was funny how he stopped once she spoke his name. It was almost as if it were second nature for him to recognize the foreign name, Myungsoo, as his own. Maybe a little piece of him still wanted to know what happened in his past life.

He turned back to face the closed door, unsure of what to do. There was nothing but silence. Perhaps he was just imagining it. He turned away once again to hear her call for him again.

"Myungsoo!"

She sounded like she was in pain. And although he wanted to, he couldn't ignore it. He had to go see what was happening. Why was she calling his name?

Annoyed, he walked through the door, knowing that she had locked it earlier.

She appeared to be sound asleep in her room.

He was just imagining it.

"Myungsoo," she called out again, her face contorting in pain even though she appeared to be sleeping. He narrowed his eyes, watching her lips. Was he hearing things? He saw her lips move. "Myungsoo!"

... apparently not.

He walked over to her bedside, casting a shadow across her face. He then noticed something and with disbelief, he crossed his arms, scoffing. Her heart was racing; she was not slumbering like she appeared to be.

"Stop pretending."

Her eyes shot open.

He could see the unspeakable pain in them. The soft light coming in through the window from the moon allowed him to see the tears that were waiting to fall. It did not move him, nor did he make a move towards her like she had hoped. She wanted him to hold her like he used to when she had nightmares and called for him. She was hoping that it was all a bad dream.

"I am sorry."

Nothing but the sound of breathing was his answer. But even though he spoke no words, she could feel that he was annoyed. He always had this way of carrying himself that it was easy for her to understand what he felt even though he said nothing.

Then, quicker than she could blink, he disappeared before her eyes. 

 


	3. Day 03

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated twice today! (:

She was sitting at the table, waiting for her next set of clients. Business was slow today and it made her even more agitated than she already was. Myungsoo had left last night and did not come back yet when she had left her little apartment. Perhaps he was really going to take her advice and not show up until it was time for him to carry her soul to the Underworld.

Her heart was in pain, just thinking of it.

The man that haunted her dreams all night long for the past few years had reappeared, looking as alive as ever. It made her heart stop when she had seen him; it made her believe that it was all some sort of hoax. He did not die. It was just some sort of dark nightmare she was having. Maybe she was in some sort of coma.

But she saw the wings that were jet black in color and gleamed in light that made them seem almost green. The Myungsoo she knew did not have wings. He also had emotions and he laughed a lot. He loved her a lot.

The person—was it even right to call him a person—was just a mere shadow of him, something that was probably a figment of her imagination. He probably only appeared because she was contemplating recently. They used to be just thoughts, but lately the thoughts seemed to consume her and ate her inside out. She would be more painfully aware of the knives when she was at home, cooking her food. She would be tempted to climb to the very top of her apartment building every night when she was dead tired after her shift at the host club.

The thoughts were not as bad as it was now a couple of weeks ago; it got worse after encountering his parents at the graveyard.

They were both there, paying respect to Myungsoo on March 18th, the day he died. She had slipped behind a tree, watching them. They, like her, had not fully moved on. They had been shedding tears; his mother especially, was crying really hard. She had been foolish that day, believing that perhaps it was time for her to appear before them and apologize after so many years of hiding from them. She was too afraid to approach them because they had never wanted her for Myungsoo. And his very death proved that she was incapable of making him happy.

"Why are you here?" his mother has asked the second she had come out from behind the tree, walking up towards them at the gravestone.

"To say hello to him," she had softly replied. But it did not seem to appease her.

"How dare you show your face here," the woman had seethed, "it is all your fault. Do not deny it. I know it is your fault. You witch! What did you do to him?"

Mr. Kim seemed too tired to do much. He just let his wife yell at the younger woman. His pent up anger from the years before released when he realized the woman before them was not faring too well. She was deathly pale and it seemed as though all of her life had been sucked from her.

"Stop it," he gently told Mrs. Kim.

 _She is suffering too,_ he had added silently. But he did not dare say it, for his wife was a rather emotional person that got defensive.

"You should go and die," Mrs. Kim spat at Jae-in. She lunged towards her, only to be caught by her husband. Mr. Kim had a strained expression on his face as he gestured at her to leave.

Jae-in obeyed, quickly placing the forget-me-nots and daffodils by his gravestone, a tear threatening to cascade down her cheek. But she did not cry; it took all of her willpower to not.

"I hope you die! Go rot in hell!" she had screamed after her.

"You should go and die!"

That was all she could hear when she had walked away from the cemetery, tears blurring her vision. It echoed and echoed, again and again. It consumed her that night and it continued to haunt her when she woke up after finally falling asleep from exhaustion.

It was the first thing she remembered in the mornings now and the last thing she thought of at night.

_"You should go and die!"_

Jae-in clenched her fists, biting onto her lips. Oh how she wished that she really could. Each day seemed like such a chore to her that she was not sure if there was anything left to make her happy. Myungsoo's return brought her more misery than happiness, even though he was and still is the love of her life.

"What are you thinking of?" a velvety voice asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

It was a regular client of hers, Kim Sunggyu.

He was a man in his late twenties that only came once in a while to talk to her. It has become a habit to him. He was what made her horrible life just the tiniest of a fraction more bearable. He came at least once a month to complain about his life and he listened to her woes too. He was alone like her, she guessed, but he had it better. At the very least, he did not have to work at such a shifty place. He has been seeing someone lately too, unlike her, who was unable to move on from Myungsoo. Although it has been a bit rough with his significant other, at least he had one that was still breathing.

She mused, thinking that she was close-minded. Of course, it was part of human nature to downplay another's misfortunes to make themselves feel righteous about the misery they felt. She was disgusting.

She forced a smile onto her face.

"Nothing."

"It does not seem like nothing," Sunggyu retorted, shrugging off the cardigan that he wore. He was exhausted and the host club was stuffy, which was making him a bit irritated.

"What is with the air conditioning?" he asked.

She could only shrug, "It is not working today."

That was a lie. The boss was too stingy to turn it on today since business was slow.

"That was a lie," Sunggyu stated, waving one of the waiters over to order a drink. He ordered a shot of vodka.

That was one reason why she liked being around Sunggyu. He was able to tell when she was lying, so she did not have to pretend.

"Excuse me," a deep voice said.

Both heads shot towards the direction of the voice and Jae-in could only hang her mouth open in surprise. What was he doing here?

"I have spoke with the boss here and I am taking her with me."

Sunggyu stood up, irritated, but was forced down into his seat by a waiter that had walked by. He whispered into his ear and Sunggyu seemed displeased at first, but finally nodded his head in understanding.

He nodded at Jae-in, "See you."

Myungsoo led her out of the dingy host club and the cold air rushed at them, making her cheeks turn slightly pink. She shivered, but it did not seem to faze Myungsoo.

If it were the old Myungsoo, he would have immediately taken off his cardigan and offered it to her. But this Myungsoo wore a leather jacket and did not seem to have the slightest urge to offer her his jacket.

"How did you manage to convince the boss to let me go with you?" Jae-in asked. It was not often Jae-in went out with clients. They had to pay a huge sum of money and she doubt he had cash.

He did not answer her, which irritated her to no end.

"What were you doing there? How did you know that I worked here?" she asked finally, after minutes of silence. He did not want to answer her previous question, so bet it. He had not spoken a word since he had come to the host club and dragged her out of there by the wrist, something that he used to do before he died. It irritated her then and it irritated her now. She flung his hand off of her wrist.

"Why do you work there?" Myungsoo asked, turning to face her. The pale moon in the sky allowed for some light to shine onto the dark street and she could see the expression on his face. It was scary; the expression on his face did not match what she had expected or hoped for. There was a smirk on his face. So he was just here to bother her. Her heart sunk because for a second there, he had her fooled. She had thought that he was there because he cared for her and did not want her to work there anymore. But honestly, she had no idea what he was playing at. Why was he so determined to make her life so horrible? He had not been around for more than one or two days and she was already feeling more drained than she usually felt.

But what she really did not know was that in some very twisted and morbid way, he did care. He did not know how to express it and he did not want to admit it, so he was hurting her like this. He did not like this feeling of caring because he did not care for more than five years already and he did not want to act out of line because of these feelings. He was selfish and did not want to risk the peaceful existence he had now. Just a couple more years and he would be reincarnated into another shell. He did not want to be stuck in a void where there was nothing but emptiness just for one woman.

"Do you have no shame?" he teased her though his chest was hurting from saying something like this; but what she heard was the underlying tone that she was imagining, the suggestion that she was sure that was itching to make its way out of his mouth.

She yanked her wrist away from him.

"I do have shame, but what can I do? I have no qualifications if you have forgotten—never mind, you do not know."

"There are other jobs that pay well. If you learned how to save money," he eyed her skimpy clothing that were made out of expensive material, "perhaps you would be able to live in a better apartment and your quality of life would be better."

He smirked, leaning in towards her. She cowered away, suddenly remembering. This was not her Myungsoo, so he was dangerous and unpredictable like all of the other men she knew.

"But you enjoy this job. I know you do. You are a slut."

He winced a little at his words. Maybe they were a bit too harsh. But he wanted her to hate him. It was the correct thing to make her angry. She was beyond infuriated. He had no idea what she had been through and it gave him not right to judge her like this.

Jae-in slapped him.

"I do not enjoy the job. It is just me trying to survive."

He scoffed in disbelief. She just slapped him and though everything up until that point had been a lie, everything else that came afterwards was his anger speaking.

"You were the one that forced me to be like this, so do not even think you have the right to call me such derogatory names."

"Excuses."

"Then why are you so afraid of learning about the past? Why do you pretend that you do not care? Even if you may not care, I am sure a little part of you still wants to know. You are a coward, are you not?" she asked, a triumphant smirk making its way onto her face. Two can play the hurting game. She pretended to ponder the answer for a little bit and replied for him, "Because you know in your heart that you were a complete asshole for leaving me behind. You just do not want to know the truth because of that."

He clenched his jaw because she just hit a nerve. She was making it easy for him to hate her too.

"Just do me a favor and kill yourself so I do not need to be reminded of the past that I do not care about," he heard himself utter. He did not regret uttering them out, though something told him he should have regretted it. She had just voiced out the very thoughts he was too afraid to speak of. He was angry at her and he could not take control of his emotions like he usually could. His hands clenched into fists and he was shaking from his anger.

"Gladly," she retorted, turning on her heels to get the hell away from him. He did not say anything but watched as she walked down the empty, dark street by herself, disappearing from view. He did not attempt to chase after her nor did he feel compelled to know if she would arrive home safely.

The heaviness of the black iPod in his leather jacket made him fish it out and throw it into an abandoned alleyway angrily, hoping that it would never appear in his life again.

~~♠~~

He hated himself for being so weak. He was taking the easy way out of the life he led and created a mess of. He was pushing all of his responsibilities onto other people, especially the woman he lived with now. The love of his life. Well, not quite anymore.

He found her an annoying ball of mess now and she was so clingy now that she was sure that they would be together forever. He could not stand her. He should have listened to his parents when he had the chance. He should have dumped her before things got serious. He would have crawled back to his parents, begging for them to help him or something like that, but he had too much pride. There was also another fact. She was carrying his baby now and the only way he could escape was killing himself. He would live in guilt if he were to abandon the child but if he were to die now, it would be easier for all parties involved.

She would believe that he was in love with her still but he was going through some sort of inner turmoil. The child would grow up believing that the father was a great man of some sort that dearly loved her or something like that. Knowing her and her childish personality, it was probably the case. She was probably going to glorify him in front of the child. Him? He probably benefited the most out of them all. He would be freed from all of his pains and worries, not just her.

He had lost his job today because of the bad economy; the bills that have accumulated in the trash bin in his make-shift office in the small house he had bought for the two of them would never be paid at any rate. The mortgage for the house would never be paid.

He has given up.

The heaviness of the iPod in his pocket was making him grow crazy and it reached an unbearable height that it made him have the hugest urge to just end everything that was bothering him.

He stood on the top of the apartment building where he had originally lived before he moved into the house with her, ready to end his life. His resolve was clear as he took another long breath in. He did not want to try sorting out the problems in his life. He did not have the bravery to do it. He wanted the misery to just end and leave him alone.

And so he fell.

~~♠~~

She was shaking in anger as she stomped into the bar that she frequented once in a while when got tipped a bit more than she usually did at the host club. Standing behind the bar counter was the barista that always worked there when she came by. He greeted her with his signature smile that she has become accustomed to.

"Hello," he said as he coolly mixed a drink. "It has been quite some time."

Jae-in gave out a little, dry laugh, "Yea, it has been a while."

She watched as he finished the drink he was mixing and he handed it to a woman that was waiting on the side. He returned shortly after, "So how has it been?"

She froze a little, contemplating if she should tell him that it was horrible. But what would that bring? Perhaps just false care. But she was so hurt now and she wanted to forget. She wanted someone to at least pretend that they cared. But at the same time, she was a coward and she did not want to let anyone know of herself. She was scared of opening up to another person.

"It has been amazing lately," she lied through her teeth. She forced a little smile onto her face. "How has it been for you?"

"Boring," he commented and then offhandedly remarked with a grin, "because you have not been around for a while."

She laughed a laugh that sounded so fake to her ears. It sounded so high and squeaky that she was sure that it probably almost sounded like plastic to him. But he played oblivious. She could tell because he had given her a rather short glance that seemed to show doubt and maybe just a little bit of concern. It came as quickly as it was gone. It made her wonder if she imagined it so that she would feel a bit better.

Even if he wereconcerned, he probably believed that it was none of his business. If only he knew how much she wanted him to believe that it was his business so he could cure her of the loneliness that was beginning to seep into her heart and spread everywhere throughout her soul.

She was disappointed when she heard the next line that came out of his mouth.

"What would you like today?" he asked, showing his pearly whites.

He was like everyone else.


	4. Day 01

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I change my mind--I'm going to update everything until the end. It was meant to be a short story. Enjoy! (:

Today was her last day before her last day. She had forty-eight more hours to live.

So he thought that she should make the best out of it.

But honestly, he could not understand himself. Why did he care so much about this person that he barely knew? But he knew the answer. He knew her from before and that was enough to sway him and do things a bit differently this time.

He had returned back to her apartment at the crack of dawn. She was still sleeping in bed, a tranquil expression on her face. She looked like she had no miseries. But that was on the surface. Because even in her sleep, he could hear her mind saying torturous things to her and it seemed as though it would just suffocate her in her sleep.

He looked away to the small window that was in her bedroom, looking towards the sun that was rising in the horizon.

He heard rustling from behind him. Turning away from the window, he watched as she slowly sat up on her bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Why are you here?" she asked, a tired and dull expression on her face. She was tired of him. That, he knew.

Had it been any other person he would have scoffed in her face. But she was not just any other person and it was just not any other day to her or to him. She was someone important to him once upon a time and it was her second last day as a human being.

"We should go somewhere."

 _Before it is time_ , were the words unsaid but still there.

He was acting out of character, but at this point Myungsoo did not care anymore. He could no longer push away the conflicting feeling in his heart. He did not love her, he was sure. Or at least, that was what he was trying to convince himself.

But even then, he was unsure of his feelings.

All he knew was that he wanted her day before her last to be meaningful. He did not know why, but knowing that it would be good made him assured.

He did not understand.

Jae-in appeared to be in deep thought as she sat there in her bed. Finally, she threw off the covers that were embracing her and she nodded her head.

"We should go and visit _her_ ," Jae-in finally said, climbing out of bed, "I am sure you probably have a faint recollection of her existence."

Myungsoo did not hesitate to answer because he knew exactly who she was talking about. He nodded his head in deep thought.

"Yes, I think it would be nice."

Nice. How long has it been since he has uttered those words without using it in a sarcastic context? He is not sure.

"I think so too," she agreed softly and stretched a little, shivering. It was a rather cool morning.

Myungsoo could not help but stare as she yawned a little, wondering just how often he had seen her do this in the past because his eyes could not help but be fixated on her. It was familiar and it hurt to know that. He turned away before she could notice that he was staring.

"I will be waiting." He walked out of her room the normal way, unlocking the door and closing it behind him. He stood by the doorway to her apartment, waiting for her. He shoved his hands into his leather jacket's pockets and felt the presence of the iPod. It felt a little bit lighter than usual, so he did not realize that it was there.

But now that he thought about it, he wondered why this device seemed to come back no matter how many times he threw it away, not wanting it to come back. Perhaps...

The door to her bedroom opened with a little click. Myungsoo lazily pushed himself off the doorway where he stood and watched as she walked out of her bedroom wearing a pale blue dress that hugged her waist perfectly. She was dressed a lot modestly and he preferred her wearing a rather innocent-looking dress.

Although he did believe that it was a lot better than what she usually wore, Myungsoo frowned a little as he narrowed his eyes at her attire.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked, noticing the look.

"No," he replied shortly. But it was bothering him, because he could recognize it but he did not know why he did. Perhaps he had given the dress to her before. Maybe he had gone out with her and they had bought it. There were so many possibilities but he did not want to know. It was the past. The past is supposed to stay in the past.

"Where are we going?" he asked, changing the subject. "I know who we are visiting but..."

She cut him off, "I will lead the way. There is no need to worry."

"I am not worrying," he retorted. She decided not to comment or else it would create friction to the start of the day.

"It is a pretty long walk there," she said, eyeing him a little. "Are you sure you want to come with?"

Myungsoo did not reply and watched as she put on a pair of sandals. As she opened the door, he finally said something. He spoke so softly if it had not been for her being alert, she would have not heard.

"I want to."

A little smile made its way onto her face.

~~♠~~

"We are here," Jae-in announced as she came to a stop in front of a rather comfy-looking building. It was two stories high and was painted a color that was a mix of dark orange and light red. The exterior hinted that although the building was pretty old, it was still well maintained. The door that was made of complete glass, save for the frame and handle allowed for him to have a glimpse into the orphanage centre. He did not even have to enter the main hall to know that the interior of the building was similar; the furniture was undoubtfully old from what he could see but it did not take away from the welcoming and fresh atmosphere that seemed to have been radiating from the building since Myungsoo's eyes has been set on it.

The wind chime that was attached to the top of the door swung lightly from where it hung, creating a small, tinkling sound as Jae-in opened the door. Myungsoo stepped in behind her and almost immediately, an elderly lady appeared. Her eyes formed crescents the second she saw Jae-in.

"Ah, you are here to visit again?" she asked and wordlessly, with a little smile, Jae-in nodded in repsonse. The elderly lady then gave Myungsoo a rather curious glance.

"Who is this?" she asked.

"He is..." Jae-in trailed off. She was not sure how to introduce him or what to introduce him as. She could not say that his past self was the father of the child they have come to visit today and his current self was the angel of death that was going to bring her away to her next life when she died.

"An acquaintance," Myungsoo offered for Jae-in. She sighed in relief. That worked too.

"Ah, I see," the lady said, but the slight crease in her forehead suggested that she did not believe what she was just told. However, she wrote it off and a smile made its way back onto her face. She turned away from the two of them and looked in the general direction of where what Myungsoo could see that a huge group of children were playing.

"Sooha!" the elderly lady called out towards the room full of children playing together. Almost immediately, a cute child that looked like she was barely four years old came running over to where the three of them were standing, a smile on her face.

It did not take a rocket scientist for Myungsoo to know that it was his past self's child. The child had his eyes but all of her other facial features were from Jae-in. The smile on the child's face brightened even more when she caught sight of Jae-in beside him.

"Hello, nice Miss!" Sooha politely grinned at Jae-in, hugging her leg. Then she looked towards the taller person standing beside the woman she seemed to be pretty familiar with. She pointed a finger towards Myungsoo. "Who is that?"

The innocent question made him flinch a little even though he knew that the child had no ill intentions. After all, she was just a child. But her one innocent question made him feel empty. It was a reminder that what was before him did not and never did belong to him. He was not Myungsoo.

"Ah," Jae-in said, a little endearing smile making its way onto her face. He could see just from her eyes that she loved the little girl, even though it was evident that the young child had no clue that she was actually her mother. "He is my friend. Greet Mister, will you Sooha?"

"I will!" the little girl grinned at Jae-in, letting go of her leg. She then automatically turned her head upwards to Myungsoo, a shy smile making its way onto her face. She shyly waved, "Hello, Mister. My name is Sooha."

Myungsoo bent down until he reached the same eye-level as the young girl and there was what seemed like a ghost of a smile making its way onto his face.

"Hello, Sooha. My name is Myungsoo."

~~♠~~

"I think that was the last time I would ever see her," Jae-in commented after they left the orphanage. Myungsoo did not ask, but it seemed as though she was bursting with emotions and she had no one else to say it to. So she decided to say it right then.

"A family has already decided to adopt her," she softly said. Myungsoo stopped in his tracks and looked at the woman who had suddenly stopped walking, a rather longing expression on her face. Then, the pale expression on her face brightened. It was not a fake one that was of her trying to convince herself that she was fine. It was confusing and Myungsoo would rather not try to understand. But he found himself wanting to understand. He listened to her next few words carefully.

"She... she will have a good life... right?" she hesitantly asked, looking towards Myungsoo. There were tears swimming in her eyes. He could not tell if they were happy or unhappy, but as usual, he could feel the emotions that were building in her. He hated how he had this ability because he was an angel of death. But he guessed at this point in time, it was a blessing.

She was happy.

Without waiting for him to answer her, she cut him off, "They will take care of her and they will love her."

It looked like she was just about to break down and cry at that exact moment. He did not want to admit it, but he was getting ready to pull her into his embrace until she would stop crying. But what happened next surprised him. She automatically wiped away the tears as if it were a reflex the second they started rolling down her cheeks. Looking at him, she saw his rather confused expression. She just gave a tiny smile.

"I can leave her without any regrets."

Then it seemed as though everything in the world stopped and he stopped breathing. He almost forgot. She was not someone he should even be comforting. She was due to live in the Underworld within the next day and nothing was going to stop that.

"Yea," a rueful smile made its way onto his face.

"It is best to die without regrets. Dying without regrets lets one die in peace," Jae-in continued. Then she paused, "At least that is what I think."

There was nothing but the sound of car engines in the distance and the pale moon that shone in the sky that accompanied them.

"No, you are right," Myungsoo remarked without missing a heartbeat though he was feeling a bit nauseous. Her words evoked a weird feeling in his chest and he did not want to fathom why, but he had a really good idea why.

He recalled the little girl's last words to him befor he had left the orphanage. She had beckoned at him to lean down so she could whisper in his ear. He was rather taken by the young girl because she was just so full of life and happiness. He wondered what would have happened if his past self did not commit suicide. Not that thinking or wondering about how it would have been like would change the present.

They had been sitting outside on the grass together, waiting for Jae-in to bring refreshments. The three of them had spent a day together in the park.

"Mister Myungsoo, do you like Miss? Are you really friends with her?"

He had drawn slightly away from the young girl, a very amused smile on his face. The young child was too innocent and it made him chuckle a little, "What?"

"I think Miss really likes you."

"Why do you say that?" he asked the young girl.

"Well, she has never brought anyone else with her to visit me. It was always only just her. So you must be very special, Mister Myungsoo!"

"Am I?" he questioned the young girl. She smiled at him, "I think you are very special!"

"Oh," he said, not really knowing what to say to that.

"Well," the young girl began to ramble on, "Miss has told me before that every single one of us is very special."

"I see," he had quietly said.

"I think it is true," she giggled, kicking her feet a little as she sat on the grassy lawn in front of the orphanage. "We are all very different. There is not another me in this universe and there is not another you or anyone else in the world."

"You are a very smart kid," Myungsoo quietly complimented Sooha. She just giggled in response, "Thank you, Mister!"

They both sat there in silence as they watched the sun set in the horizon. She finally turned to the man that sat beside her, "It was really fun today with you and Miss. Can you guys come by some time soon so we can play together again?"

He had wanted to say yes but he did not because he knew that it was impossible. He did not know what to say at that time and he was saved by Jae-in, who had come back again with some cool juice.

His mind now was still on the young girl as he walked back with Jae-in back to her apartment. The young child had uttered words that she had said in the spur of the moment. But to Myungsoo, they were more than just words. They were triggers.

There was a slight, pinching feeling in his chest.

_Why?_


	5. Day 00

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains mature material in relation to suicide and death.

They sat together at the kitchen table, sipping quietly the tea she had made. It had been a long day yesterday and it left a lot of things for the two of them to think about. Their daughter... was it even right to say that he was her father... was going to grow up with a splendid adoptive family. They were not worried at all of what the future held for the child. It was no longer in their hands and they did not have the slightest belief that they qualified to be parents. Especially if they both could not find a less cowardly way of dealing with their problems.

Both of them knew what was going on in Jae-in's head. The battle that had been raging on for the past few weeks was reaching its peak and the final decision was going to be drawn in a short moment. Neither party seemed to want to speak, but Jae-in finally decided to break the silence. She was itching to say something that she had come to realize. She had always been the braver and rational one, Myungsoo remembered.

"I have come to accept that you are not him," she stated softly. There was longing and sadness in her voice but neither of them could do anything about it. Myungsoo simply did not know what to do and she was sure that nothing could ever cure it. Except for the Myungsoo that she loved so dearly years ago. "You never were."

Was it wrong for him to say that it made his heart... if he even had one... ache just a little bit?

"You are not Kim Myungsoo, so I cannot make you pretend to be him. I should have realized this sooner. But you are similar in so many ways but so different in so many other ways. The one thing I can say is completely the same is your outer appearance."

There was just the sound of shallow breathing and the hum of speeding cars at the intersection nearby. Myungsoo felt like he was suffocating in this silence but in a way, he was glad that this was happening. That they were finally talking and facing the fears that had appeared when he had showed up in her life a few days ago. She was probably going to die without regrets.

"What is your name?" she asked, a bitter smile on her face. She has fully accepted it even though it hurt so much; the person she knew as Myungsoo does not exist anymore. The being before her was not Myungsoo, even though he had been Myungsoo before his death.

"Void," he plainly answered, no emotions could be heard. He had recovered from the ache he had felt earlier. Now it was replaced by a dull, gnawing feeling in his heart. He then added, "But I am Myungsoo for now."

She shook her head, a worn-out expression on her face. It was then Myungsoo realized that it seemed as though she had aged in just the past few days. Was it because of him? He was not sure if he really wanted to know the answer.

"Void," she softly said, a tender expression appearing on her face, like she was finally at peace. They both knew it was actually tearing her up inside. He could tell because he could feel the emotions that she felt. It was a curse right now, even though he used to believe that it was blessing to feel others' misery and feel better because of it. But the tender expression on her face changed in a mere second; her face hardened, "No, you can never be Myungsoo."

He felt the despair growing in her heart, seeping its way into every little crook and nanny she had in the heart that was beginning to be overflowed with darkness. It did not bring him any happiness. It did not bring him misery, either. It made him feel null.

She reached for his face, cupping it. There were tears swarming her vision. He could not stand it anymore; he was feeling restless, willing to be anywhere but there with her. He did not understand why he was there anymore. He should leave before he got too attached, before he discovered the truth behind his death. But he already knew since a long time ago; he just did not want to admit it.

"You..." she choked out. She let out a strangled cry, but he made no move to comfort her. It was not his job. And the sad thing was that she understood but she still hoped that he would attempt to comfort her in his arms.

"My name is not Jae-in. That is my..." she trailed off, not wanting to finish. But she forced herself to continue, "That is my host club name."

Her eyes shone from her tears in the dark apartment, "If you were him... no, Myungsoo would never make this mistake. He would not forget my name. He would know better than to call me that."

It was unbearable for the two of them. Nothing but the sound of her labored breathing and his calm breathing could be heard. He was a coward and he knew it.

Then there was the sound of wind the interrupted the tantalizing lullaby their breaths made.

All that was left were feathers where he previously stood, drifting gently down onto the wooden floor of her apartment unit.

She stood up from the chair, setting down the tea cup she was drinking from. She momentarily forgot about it as she walked towards where he had sat earlier and leaned down, picking up one of the stray feathers that was making its way down onto the ground. She quivered and broke down in sobs, curling into a ball of mess on the floor as she gently held onto a feather in her right hand.

She was not afraid of death.

She had thought she would be when the time came. Rather, she was still unwilling to believe that the happiness that existed in her life a few years ago would never return. Perhaps death was the only way she could leave the pain that she felt all behind.

Had it been once upon a time, she would not have agreed. She believed that suicide never was the answer. She still did not believe so. But she was not in the people who have commited suicide's position so she could not have understood. Now that she was in their position, she understood how suffocating the voices in the head could be. But that did not mean she agreed.

It was just... it seemed like there was no more light at the end of the tunnel.

But even now, she did not agree with her almost-decision, but that was the only thing that she was sure that could end her suffering, no matter how cowardly she thought it was.

Void... he was more of a blessing than a curse. He had woken her up from the life that she lived in. He was a reminder of what used to be and how much has changed. No matter how much she tried to think everything happy would return, it was futile. She had thought everything was going to be okay but it really was not going to be okay. It was about time she stopped being so optimistic about everything and see things with a calm and realistic view.

The way her life was going, nothing was probably ever going to get better. She was doing nothing to help herself out of the situation and she was honestly too tired now to even try. She should have tried earlier. It was too late to start over now. She did not have the money to get herself educated and land a decent job. All the other jobs she qualified for did not pay as much as the host club job she had now. It would not have been a big deal... if only she did not have so many debts that she still had to pay.

She got up from the floor, carelessly letting go of the feather that she had been idly twisting in her hand. The tears have stopped and she vowed this was the last time she was going to cry.

She has decided.

~~♠~~

He was not a saint so it would not be possible for him to convince her out of taking her own life or saving her from her death. He was selfish and did not want to be banished to a vast darkness that had no end for an eternity even if he had loved her before his death.

The feelings he felt for her were just distant memories to him; too hazy to even cloud his decision of seeing to the end that she died. The feelings he felt back then were no longer around but they were strong enough once upon a time to cause him to feel compelled to at least make her life okay during her last moments.

He, in his life before his death, actually did not hate her; he never did.

He wanted to believe so but one could only fool himself thus far.

He did not remember everything that they shared and he was sure that not all of it would resurface if he kept it like this and not search anymore for his past. He wanted it to be like this; he wanted to keep the relationship between the two fo them simple. Memories that made the feeling of attachment and perhaps love stronger would not serve anyone any good. She was going to pass on to the Underworld in a short while and he did not want to be tormented when he saw her again in the future. He did not want to hurt anymore. Keeping things simple like this only meant that he would perhaps feel an attachment towards her and would be compelled to check on her once in a while when she begins to serve Lucifer.

But he did not love her anymore. That was something that he made clear of. He was merely attached because some part of him remembered of the love that they shared.

He only remembered how before his death, Myungsoo hated how she would smile like nothing was wrong in the past and she would treat him like he was the best person in the whole world. He had failed her in so many ways and their situation had not been improving. He wanted her to find someone better but he knew that he would never be able to fully let go. She would not be able to let go of him either.

So in death, he found a way to escape her and for her to escape him.

He stood silently and watched as she stood at the ledge of the apartment building where his life had also ended, contemplating if this were the right decision like he had when he committed suicide. So many things had gone on in his head and he was sure the same thing was going on in her mind at that moment too. He was sure she wanted to be alone when she made the decision, so he decided not to appear before her just yet.

He was sure that she chose the same apartment building on purpose. She wanted to reach out to the dearly departed Myungsoo that was long gone. It was romantic, in a pretty morbid manner, he supposed.

He fingered the iPod in his pocket; it seemed to have gotten lighter in the past few days since he has come to reap her soul. He was sure that this time, if he were to throw it away, it would never come back again. He was going to throw it once they made their way back to the Underworld. There was no use in keeping it around... not that there was a purpose to keep it around to begin with. Or that was what he wanted to tell himself.

He was sure that the iPod was some sort of reminder from his past self to his current self that even though he was supposed to forget about her, he did not want to no matter how much he tried to convince himself. He did not understand his past self or himself for that matter. He was a walking paradox. He snapped out of his thoughts before he could think any further. It was time.

He watched as one of the last few seconds ticked on all of the clocks in the world, the sound resonating in his ears. He watched on as he bitterly acknowledged that she has made her choice and that she did not seem to have any regrets at all. Her eyes were vacant of any emotion and she was at peace.

Then there was the descent; she pushed herself off the ledge with her own legs, reaching a two meter radius from the ledge before gravity pulled. He rushed to the edge of the building where he stood and flung himself off, freefalling for a second or two before his wings flapped and kept him afloat, flying towards her and then descending with her. He wanted to be there when she landed. He did not want to save her because she did not want to be saved. By letting her fall to her death, it was saving her, in a sense. He saw the questioning gaze in her eyes when she saw that he was there, descending with her.

He saw anger. She thought he was going to save her.

In a perfect world where people were selfless, he would have. But it was not a perfect world and he was a selfish being.

He smiled genuinely, ignoring her anger, his hand reaching for hers and entangling their fingers together. The descent down did not stop. Her eyes widened and then her eyes closed softly, a tear dripping down her cheek. A smile spread across her face slowly as she opened her eyes once more, happiness shining in them. The sight of her happiness almost took his breath away. But such actions were only reserved for misery because it was still the only thing in the whole world that could make him happy.

Regardless, he could not deny that she made his insides feel funny. It was as if time had slowed down for the two of them at that moment.

"Thank you."

For what, he was unsure. For letting her die so she could escape like he did or for the memories they made together in her life when he was still alive, he did not know. He was willing to leave it that way without questioning what she actually meant, so it would be open-ended. He would like to believe that the times he made her happy outweighed the amount of pain he gave her. But he was sure that he gave her more pain than she would ever admit.

He had let her decide for herself. He did not force her to commit this sin and he did not force her to not. Technically, no matter what happened, he would not be held liable or punished by Lucifer. It was only if he interfered with her decision that he would get into trouble.

Death was exactly what she wanted and he was going to respect it because this was what she wanted. It was also because he knew. She was going to forget everything that had transpired in the past twenty-something years, including him and all of the hardships he had made her face. The memories of the life that she led as a human would probably never surface again unless something triggered them to surface, something he was planning to ensure would not happen once they reached the Underworld and she began serving Lucifer. It was what she deserved, after suffering for so long.

This was as far as he was willing to go; a parting gift by allowing her to die and not remember.

This was perhaps the last act of love he will bestow on her. After this, they will be strangers once again in the Underworld. He wanted nothing to do with her after this. Or at least, that was what he believed. But he knew a little piece of him would probably still care about her even though he vowed he would not. They were linked in their previous life and it was a strong link.

 _"I loved you,"_ he whispered. That, at least, was the little glimmer of warmth that had been presented to him in the short four-day period. His life had not been full of misery, it just appeared to have been so during the time he had died. He had been blinded by the guilt and worthlessness he had felt to see the goodness that existed in his life. It was probably the work of the angel of death that was fated to bring him to the Underworld.

He did not remember who it was that had brought him over and he was glad that he did not remember. He was sure that it would just trigger more unwanted memories.

The clock struck twelve.

She hit the ground, her arms and legs splayed out. Blood began to pool around her, as if embracing her in its dark depths. She died the second she hit the ground. She did not suffer, which made him relieved in a morbid way.

She died.

He thought she did not hear him, the little message he had said in the spur of the moment to make her happy for one last time, but it was apparent that his message got across just mere seconds before her death. The smile on her face had widened and she looked like she was about to laugh in glee for the first time since he had appeared in her life. He was glad, that he was at the very least able to leave her with something to smile about before her death.

He took out the black iPod from his black, leather jacket and placed it in her hand, curling her fingers around them. He knew that this was the last time he was ever going to see it. Everything has ended because of her departure from the material world.

Her death marked the end and the beginning.


	6. Day 01

"What is going on?" Jae-in—no, she was not Jae-in. Her real name was unknown to him; he would perhaps never know. But it was fine that way. The less she knew about her life before, the less she would remember in the future. Her soul belonged to Lucifer now and it was up to Him to name her.

"You have died," Myungsoo—no, he was no longer Myungsoo, the alias name he had been given. Well, he never really was Myungsoo to begin with. He was Void, angel of death to Lucifer. He looked at her, who was staring at the pale body that seemed to be drowning in the blood blooming on the cold tarmac. He knew what she was thinking; she was in shock. In a gentle voice, gentler than he's ever been since his existence as a death angel, he stated, "That is your body."

"Who am I?" she asked. It was a good question. He did not quite know either. He just knew that he was the girl he had loved before his existence as an angel of death. But that was not relevant anymore. Her existence now was what he wanted for her because she would not remember how the man named Myungsoo had hurt her. She pointed at him with wide eyes, "What is going on? Why can I not remember anything?"

She was afraid. He understood; he was too when the beginning had come.

"Do not worry," he grabbed her by the wrist, something he has been accustomed to doing even though she hated it. "You will understand in a bit. Come, we shall go and meet Lucifer."

She yanked her wrist away from him, growling, "I am not going anywhere with you."

He ruffled his wings in frustration and it was then that she finally realized that he had wings. Her eyes widened. " _What_ are you?"

Void decided that she was too annoying; she was too talkative and the way she was acting was so frustrating. He did not like complicated matters. He just grabbed her once again and spreading his wings, he flew off with her in his arms.

"Let go of me!" she screamed. But he ignored her and wondered if she always were as annoying as she was now before he died.

~~♠~~

"So you have managed to deliver her," Lucifer mused. He was sitting on his throne, lazily pulling out a drag from the cigarette He held. "I would have expected your feelings to interfere. Or at the very least, the memories that resurfaced to do something to make things more interesting."

But at the same time, He was sure that Void would not act out of line no matter how many memories he may have held before with this woman. He was dedicated to his work and he was a selfish man.

Void gave him a cryptic smile, "The name is Void, after all. It is only natural that Void does things without emotions, no?"

She just looked back and forth between the two beings, not understanding the conversation. All she managed to get was that Void was the angel of death's name. Or at least, she assumed that he was an angel of death.

"You are dismissed," Lucifer said and Void nodded, bowing. "I will summon you once again when you are needed."

Without a second glance towards her, Void left the room. She felt a little disappointed that he did not look back once again for some reason, but she shrugged it off. She shivered a little, feeling His eyes on her small frame.

"You are quite lucky," He mused, "you are not going to have to work some lowly job."

She cocked her head to the side, an unpleased expression on her face, "I do not understand."

"You have died," Lucifer stated.

The woman nodded, "That much, I have understood."

"You are in the Underworld."

"I see..." she said. Then, her face contorted in confusion. Her eyes were wide all of a sudden, as she realized something. "But why? Was I a bad person?"

"No no," He laughed. He extinguished the fire of the cigar using the stone table beside Him. He then threw it down onto the ground. "You have just done something bad, that's all. Same thing as Void, in fact."

"So I am not a bad person?" she asked, reaffirming what she thought.

"Nah," Lucifer said. "But I guess you are in some ways."

She looked confused, but decided to drop the topic. She was very curious about this Void person for some reason. "What does Void do?" she asked curiously.

Without missing a heartbeat, He replied, "He collects the souls of the humans that commit suicide."

"So I have committed suicide is what you are saying," she pieced everything together without difficulty. She furrowed her eyebrows. She was a happy person... well, she was pretty sure she was. She must have died happy, because she was not really sad right now but then some part of her knew that she was not exactly the happiest person alive. Why did she commit suicide? Lucifer gave a delighted laugh, cutting her off from thinking any further, "Yes. You committed suicide."

Without waiting for her to begin asking the handful of questions she had, He said, "You are to begin working alongside Void as an angel of death, only going to reap human souls when I inform you to do so."

She nodded, a little smile spreading across her face. She was a weird one, Lucifer decided on the spot. She was unlike most of the others that were crying when they came down into the Underworld. She had accepted the situation quite easily and she was smiling too. In a way, she was very similar to Void, who did not appear to have been the slightest bit scared when he had first arrived. Except it appeared that she was happy for some reason.

"Ah," He said, his lips curling into a mysterious smile. "I almost forgot. I am supposed to name you, no?"

"I suppose so?" she asked, "I do not really remember my name."

She scratched her head, sheepishly smiling.

"None of them do, darling," Lucifer mused.

"Oh."

There was silence.

The events that have unfolded before Him had finally begun to sink in. He then murmured to Himself, "Well, this is better than what I expected. I thought I could exile that brat because he was an eyesore... but this is way more interesting. Perhaps the Underworld can be a bit different for once. Maybe there will not just be misery and sadness everywhere. Perhaps something nicer can be born from this."

It was true. The Underworld was a dark place. After all, it was the place where a lot of horrible people in their previous lives have been exiled to and there was nothing such as friendship and love in this place. Lucifer, though he would never admit it to anyone else, did find it rather dull and boring to have a place filled with just hate. It was annoying too when he had to leave the throne room to solve idiotic disputes.

Then, remembering he was not by Himself, He grinned at the woman before Him, "Whoops. I forgot you were here for a second."

She just gave a little smile in response. She was so anxious to be named and she had no clue why. Maybe it was because having no identity, nothing to call hers, made her nervous.

What she did not know was that she already owned was some sort of flame of friendship or perhaps leftover love from Void. But she would find out someday soon, Lucifer supposed.

"Well then," He finally said. "I have a name for you. I find it quite fitting, actually. I think it will torment him, but it makes things more amusing for me. It gets quite boring down here in the Underworld too often, anyway. He will have to think of you when he thinks of _it_ , the thing he believes will make him happy. But after this, I guess it is true whichever way you think of it."

She just gave him a smile, unsure of how to respond or what He was talking about.

"I will name you..." He chuckled, trailing off.

"Name me what?" she asked, waiting for Him to continue on. She was very eager to find out what her name was going to be.

_"Misery."_

 

{T he   E    n     d}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! Let me know what you think! ^^
> 
> I'll be back in a day or two with an author's note.


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